THERE’S been a decision in my life I’ve been struggling to make for almost a decade. It’s a long time to live in indecision, but every time I’ve toyed with the idea of moving on there’s been something that’s pulled me back to my bejewelled familiarity.

I have a confession to make. I still have the belly button piercing I got when I was 16.

A big part of me is ashamed to still be rocking body bling that hasn’t been cool since Brian from the Backstreet Boys was, but maybe my denial goes deeper than my piercing does? I’m struggling to part with my youth even though I know it’s time to kiss goodbye an era where home phones were still a thing and the most romantic thing your crush could do was record a radio mixed-tape (swoon).

Before you laugh let’s make sure you aren’t with me and have said goodbye to the top trends of the 90s …

First up. Let’s look into the section of your jewellery box that’s never opened. It could contain the various matching friendship bracelets given to you by ex-BFF’s. So much for ‘friends forever,’ you can’t even remember whether it was Lauren or Rachel or Jess P who handed you half a charm. (Definitely not Jess M. she was weird).

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Let’s face it, you’re probably not even friends any more. Source: Supplied

It’s also time to turf those plastic bracelets made from a soft drink cap. You know the ones! Crafted by stretching the round blue seal from inside the lid — and widely regarded as hook-up bracelets whereby your crush snapped them to kiss you. Who would have thought that a humble Sprite bottle could be responsible for uniting young love … or a touch up behind the sports shed.

Also time to go — your G-Shock ‘Baby G’ Watch, sk8ter wallet chain, ring pop (it’s past it’s used-by date) and any necklace involving a butterfly, dolphin, ying-yang, star or smiley face pendant … because quite frankly there’s nothing to smile about still owning that tacky number.

Next. Hair — especially those cornrow braids with the beads on the ends you got on the family holiday in Bali that had you feeling like a gangster princess. The entire process was nothing short of torture and took hours to complete which meant you’d keep the braids in as long as humanly possible. I remember even avoiding washing my hair to maintain their Ashanti-like brilliance because all the dandruff in the world wasn’t stopping such braided swagger.

See, even the high-fashion Olsen twins had butterfly clips.

See, even the high-fashion Olsen twins had butterfly clips.

And then there’s butterfly clips (because it used to be hot to look like you had insects nesting in your hair) and the notion of ‘s*ut strands’ that comprised of two sections of hair left out of a ponytail to dangle down the face fashionably. All of these. Gotta go.

Let’s not forget that miniature Guess handbag at the back of your wardrobe either! The thing could never fit more than a Nokia 3310 and a Lip Smackers inside. Who’s idea was it to make them SO. DAMN. SMALL?

Moving onto shoes — namely the pair of Sketchers you bought after Britney Spears endorsed them in bellbottom flares. The amalgamation of nightclub and fitness attire was utterly awkward (but on second thought actually quite practical …) And don’t forget to turf the 3 stripe white Adidas sneakers (or the fake 4 stripes depending on how much money your parents made) and those foam platform shoes which could have doubled as a flotation device in the event of drowning. Off to the salvos please!

And lastly let’s go through that book shelf of yours, collecting dust. Anyone still own the complete Babysitters Club collection in case it becomes a collector’s item? Or, the first of the Harry Potter book’s because the rest had way too many pages and you got the general gist of what happened by watching the movies … magic n’ stuff right? Let’s not forget R.L. Stein’s Goosebumps books that still traumatise you as an adult and are likely the root of issues you’re still working through with your therapist.

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Aaaarrrrggghhhhh!!


Babysitters Club Kristy's Great Idea. The best! 

Babysitters Club Kristy’s Great Idea. The best!

It’s time to let go! Please take this as inspiration to donate your 90s trash and only hold onto the good memories.

Let’s cross our mood-ring-free fingers that life never looks this hideous again.

#FunButUgly

Author Kristie Mercer

Kristie Mercer is one half of The Thinkergirls — who love to chat on their podcast about all the thoughts you’re thinking but not saying. Find the girls on Facebook or Youtube.

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