THERE’S been a lot of talk about sexting and promiscuous pics online recently and it’s brought up memories of the short, but fun (some might say tragic) relationship I once had with the sext.
You know. Sexy pics sent to someone you are hoping finds you sexy.
My first experience began with a well-needed trip post-breakup.
The kind of trip that you say is for shopping and relaxation but really is a mission to flirt with boys in a foreign land. And the contact with one of them (let’s call him Oscar) continued well after the holiday ended.
First the chats with Oscar were polite inquiries concerning my safe arrival home. They kept coming thick and fast over the next month and were flirty and fun. One Sunday afternoon, flirty and fun ran its course and this message came through with a beep.
Him: “Send me a picture of you”.
Me: “Hmmmm. OK, sure! Specific requests…?”
Him “I want to see as much of you as I can”.
Me “YOU FIRST!”
This is when panic STRUCK and I sat on my couch in a 1980s Kylie Minogue nightie (not the vintage kind you buy that looks like it’s from 1980s — it was actually from the 1980s) and affirmed, OK, you can do this. But I had no idea how.
First step was a walk to the mirror, where I starting taking pictures of myself teamed with an uncontrollable laugh. Not in an innocent flirty way, more in an evil single-white-female way. This was so nerve racking!
I’d never done this with past boyfriends before but it felt super exhilarating so I continued. The Kylie nightie was first to go and on went the matching Victoria Secret bra and knickers. Now what? I pondered. How to stand? Where to look? What to do with my hands? A shudder of shame went up my spine as concern grew that these pics could also classify as selfies!
(*gasps* followed by *vomit*)
I started snapping pictures fast (potentially 360 shots) and then furiously scanned through them. They looked ridiculous. But once the character kicked in, (I imagine how Beyonce feels before channelling Sasha Fierce) it started to feel fun and I felt OK enough with one of them that I pressed send! My stomach flipped. I had no idea if it was right or would impress, but was pleasantly surprised at the reaction and this is where this story ends … for you.
It was liberating and fun. A sense of relief set in that I remembered to keep my big confused mug out of the shot. I have not since taken a job up in the porn industry or will be an underwear model in the next 18 years but it felt nice to push through the embarrassment and self-doubt and give it a go.
So while this has not become a common event, I would like to offer some rookie advice if you are curious and want to have some fun:
- Please don’t include your head. You don’t really know this person do you? And even if you do, things turn pear shaped. Sorry, but they do.
- Google Scarlett Johansson selfie. Then don’t look at her face and try and copy the shape. FOCUS ON THE SHAPE.
- If you are not giggling and instead gasping for air from anxiety, ask yourself this: are you going to get pleasure from a picture in return from this person? Is this more for you than them? If the answer is no, then put the phone down and turn the Kardashians back on.
And don’t get caught up in the moment. While I fundamentally do not endorse others exploiting personal property and intimate moments to post on websites or brag to their friends; it CAN happen and you need to be aware. Make sure you are playing with someone you trust.
For the love of God, just sext with safety.