IN the movies, the sex scenes all seem to go down in a particular way. It’s like the whole of Hollywood read the same ‘where did I come from’ book, because every single rom-com’s hot and heavy moment is a carbon copy of the last.

It goes a little something like this: It all starts with a kiss typically initiated by the guy. The girl kisses him back all cute and unsure. Then things get more and more passionate until both parties get completely and unnecessarily naked, silently pressing their perfectly toned bodies together.

There isn’t a hint of awkwardness, a request to turn off the light or even a box of tissues in sight, yet somehow it all ends with a simultaneous sigh (is that even physically possible?) and a romantic cuddle.

Just a side note — I’m not sure if Hollywood actresses are exempt from the UTI fairy, but they should all really consider going to the loo after the fun’s over. Just a suggestion.

But the moment we take away the smoke, the mirrors and the cameras (unless you’re into that kind of thing) things start to get a little more authentic.

In the real world you may find there’s less six packs, next to no eye-to-eye contact and an increase in unsettlingly sounds.

But the main difference is exactly that — the difference. No real-life sex scene is the same as the last. There’s no cookie-cutter template to get jiggy like in the movies because it all comes down to how you feel on the day, or more specifically how she feels. Because let’s face it women slightly more complicated when it comes to special cuddles.

Blokes possess ability to switch on like a light. A single thought, a certain expression, or even the lingerie section of a Target catalogue can be enough to get a guy going. But with women, there’s slightly more involved. And when it comes to what she wants in the bedroom, her mood dictates EVERYTHING.

What gets her hot and heavy today won’t necessarily work next time round. The key to great sex isn’t simply replicating what was great ‘last time’, it’s knowing what’s great ‘this time.’

Every sexual experience is unique and what a woman needs each time around varies.

Guys it’s time to use your noggins as well as your privates. Pay attention to her! Use your intuition and sense what she needs from this particular experience.

If she doesn’t feel sexy, then there will be no sex. Help her be confident in her body and herself and remind her that she’s beautiful. Make her laugh, be respectful and take things at her pace. Feeling empowered is a turn on.

Is she feeling vulnerable? Make her feel safe with you. Hold her close, make eye contact and only kiss her gently. Feeling comfy can be key.

Or is she in the kind of mood where she’d like you to take the lead? Sometimes strong, confident women are tired of asking people for what they want. Maybe not having to overthink the next move is the break she needs to get involved.

You can bark up her tree (metaphorically speaking) for as long as you like, but being in tune to what her mood requires is actually pretty straightforward isn’t it? Actually, it baffles me that such a simple concept has been ignored by blokes for so long.

Just about every man since the beginning of time has pondered ‘what women want’ yet the answer is simple — we want you to find out! Straight out telling you takes the excitement out of it *evil laugh*.

Seriously though, it’s like being asked what you want for your Birthday: unwrapping the present you’ve suggested isn’t nearly as thrilling as the gift you secretly wanted but never asked for.

‘Simple’ in boy-terms is clearly a little less ‘simple’ for us chicks, but to be honest I wouldn’t change that even if I could. I like that sex can sometimes require a little more process as a female.

Doesn’t that make the win a little sweeter than it always being a sure thing? Sometimes the harder the task the bigger the win. Like the satisfaction of clocking a game of Solitaire on a PC. Yeah it’s exactly like that.

Author Kristie Mercer

Kristie Mercer is one half of The Thinkergirls — who love to chat on their podcast about all the thoughts you’re thinking but not saying. Find the girls on Facebook or Youtube.

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