The ridiculous wedding traditions we need to toss

I DON’T want to come across as a bitter, single bridesmaid, but I’m just not sure about weddings, and the utter generalisations that still come with them.

I like to think that perhaps, if I am able to choose what fro-yo toppings I can have and whether I have soy or almond milk in my coffee that it’s acceptable to question prehistoric rules about the major promises I make in front of the people that I love.

So here are a whole heap of outdated activities that I think it’s time to ditch. Because when you go back through the archives, they just don’t make sense anymore.

THE FATHER GIVING HIS DAUGHTER AWAY

Princess Kate sticking with tradition. Source: AP

Princess Kate sticking with tradition. Source: AP

The actual word wedding refers to a “wager”. This tradition was formed so the bride’s father would setup a type of contract with the groom that he would barter for land or social status in exchange for his girl. Therefore transferring “ownership” from father to groom on her wedding day was an actual legality. ZOMG. I feel like a leg of lamb. I mean I would be lamb, not ham … more expensive. But I AM NOT AN ANIMAL OR A PRODUCT FOR PURCHASE.

WEARING WHITE

The tradition of wearing white didn’t start for the reason you might think. Picture: Alex Coppel.

The tradition of wearing white didn’t start for the reason you might think. Picture: Alex Coppel.

A lass by the name of Queen Victoria was said to be one of the main reasons the white wedding dress sparked popularity more than tradition. She wore it because, well, she liked white. The connotations of virginity we all understand around the colour white popped up later in the picture, where Victorians began to idolise innocent brides.

“It is an emblem of the purity and innocence of girlhood, and the unsullied heart she now yields to the chosen one,” said the Godey’s Lady’s Book years later. (Vomit). I like white. I like Brides in white. But this makes me a little uncomfy.

BRIDESMAIDS WEARING THE SAME DRESS

Matching! Picture: Joe Scarnici/Getty Images Source: Getty Images

Matching! Picture: Joe Scarnici/Getty Images Source: Getty Images

In the time of the Romans, law dictated there be ten witnesses at a wedding. Each witness was to dress as similar as possible to the bride and groom in hopes of confusing the evil spirits and scaring them away.

But why, in this day and age, do we expect the precious women in our lives to all fit into the same gown? Hello curves, boobs and skin tone! It is almost impossible for everyone to feel comfortable and attractive in the same gown as the bride’s cousin Glenda from Townsville. (No offence to Glenda, she just has her own style).

BOUQUET THROWING

Catch! (Photo by Pablo Blazquez Dominguez/Getty Images) Source: Getty Images

Catch! (Photo by Pablo Blazquez Dominguez/Getty Images) Source: Getty Images

The tossing of the bridal bouquet is an English custom and was believed to be a way for the bride to pass along her good fortune to others. Bridal guests would try and tear away pieces of the bride’s clothing and flowers in order to obtain this fortune. And when they say fortune, they mean husband.

To stop ruining poor bride’s pricey gown, the tradition was changed to her tossing the bouquet into the crowd for a special lady to catch in hope that the good fortune (husband) would be transferred and boom! She will be the next in line to marry. Because that’s all there is to life, right? Marriage.

THE GARTER BEING PULLED OFF

Does this photo of Ice-T and Coco really need a caption? Wow. Picture: Todd Williamson/Wire Image Source: Getty Images

Does this photo of Ice-T and Coco really need a caption? Wow. Picture: Todd Williamson/WireImage Source: Getty Images

This barbaric tradition started in the 14th centaury where wedding guests considered it lucky to get a piece of the bride’s clothing. Again like the bouquet, to preserve her dress, the bride started throwing the garter at the male guests. As the male guests became rowdier, they tried to tear the garter off of the bride’s leg themselves. In an attempt to preserve his new wife’s dignity, the groom started to remove the garter himself and toss it to the single men. How full on!

We can all sit back and easily choose to not take these things too seriously, but if you think that a man ripping a garter off a woman’s leg and throwing it to his mates for someone to “score” isn’t contributing to a bigger issue then you’re foolish.

It’s important moving forward that we look at what these traditions mean to us and start creating things that are right for our relationship; as individuals and as couples. No two love stories are the same and nor should we want them to be.

Personally, I’m not too worried about what Queen buggerlugs from the 14th century was doing nor does my Dad have any camels to swap me for should it all go to s**t! So as you can see, some of these ideas don’t really work for me.

Oh and remember how GAYS AREN’T LEGALLY ALLOWED TO DO ANY OF THIS!

Make up your own rules, love birds.

Author Stacey June

Stacey June is one half of The Thinkergirls — who love to chat on their podcast about all the thoughts you’re thinking but not saying. Find the girls on Facebook or Youtube.

More posts by Stacey June

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